he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
