The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
