New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
