so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
