i permit you to call me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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