i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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