I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
