fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
