Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
