The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
