remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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