wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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