im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
