whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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