got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
