SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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