Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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