I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
