and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
