Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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