man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
