singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
