Apparently you make a good broom.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
