Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
