Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
