She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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