she's into porn, im staying here tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
