I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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