is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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