she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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