My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
