So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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