i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
