I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
