my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
