belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
