you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
