We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
