I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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