So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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