What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
