I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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