see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
