im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
