SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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