Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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