She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
