I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
