he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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