She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
