You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
